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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24392677">going under</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ungoodpirate/pseuds/ungoodpirate'>ungoodpirate</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Henry-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Roadtrip, Sarchengsey-ish, except its all platonic in this fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:08:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,096</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24392677</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ungoodpirate/pseuds/ungoodpirate</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A cavern tour during the great Sarchengsey triggers Henry into a panic attack. Blue and Gansey help him recover with cuddles and junk food.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>TRC/ CDTH Prompt Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>going under</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The darkness was complete. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was rare that people in the modern world experience complete darkness. Not in the world of electricity. Not in the world were ambient light glowed on the horizon like some sort of alien infestation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even far flung from any major civilization, like Henry, Blue, and Gansey had oft found themselves on this road trip thus far… even when it was so dark in one of their campgrounds you could walk straight into a tree and not realize it until you knocked your teeth out… there was still the nighttime light of the heavens. The moon, the stars, even the strips of the Milky Way painted the night sky. Even cloud cover didn’t dispose of them completely. Even when cloud cover did, the fresh flowing air of outdoors never exactly made Henry feel trapped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not like now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was underground. They had turned the off lights. The darkness was complete. And Henry couldn’t breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Through the buzzing in his ears, he vaguely heard the tour guide saying, “Now wave your hand in front of your face. You can’t even see it, can you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were titters of laughter and whispered words from the rest of the group. Blue’s shoulder bumped into his arm as she shifted weight beside him. Gansey, Henry knew, would be less than an arm reach out on his other side. A series of intellectuals proofs that he wasn’t alone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But you couldn’t logic your way out of a panic attack. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>#</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luray Caverns may have been edging on the more mainstream tourist-y end of the sliding scale of pitstop visits that had undertaken that trip, but if they were going to loop back to Virginia for a Christmas visit, it didn’t make sense not to visit one of the local highlights, considering none of their trio had been. Still, despite the gift shop and the bit of ‘missing the point’ of walking on a paved walkway in the largest cavern system in the Eastern United States... seeing the ancient stalagmites and stalactites fit exactly in with their joined wishes to see the many wonders that the world held out in offering. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sure, it was underground. But the cathedral-sized caverns, lit up and peopled, hardly felt like the hole in the ground Henry had been held captive in as a child. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Until it did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>#</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I really should’ve thought about it before we went down. I didn’t even ask.” Gansey patted down his pockets, double-checking for his wallet. “I’m sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For the last eight or so minutes, Gansey had been pacing out a performance piece of distractedness, never managing to have his car keys, his wallet, and his scribbled note of their dinner orders in his possession at the same time. The items moved like a dance between his pockets, the dresser, atop his bed sheets, and back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>From his motel bed, Henry had been watching the progress with interest, not being helpful in the least.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If I charge you a dollar per apology,” Henry said. “I’d be a millionaire in no time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aren’t you already a millionaire?” Blue plopped heavily down sitting on the edge of Henry’s bed.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Henry shrugged a single shoulder. “I could do with another million.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gansey frowned, checking his other pocket. “But I am --” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here,” Blue interrupted, leaning over to grab the Pig’s keys from the next bed over and tossing them to Gansey. “Now get going.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After they heard the engineless Pig roar to life outside the motel door, Blue shifted to sit shoulder-to-shoulder with Henry against the headboard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How’re you doing?” she asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Henry grinned winningly. It wasn’t really fair for anyone on the receiving end because all his grins were winning. “I’m fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Blue cocked her head, unimpressed.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The smile melted off of him easier than it was put on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was fine, but on the bitter, chastised end of it. He wasn’t panicking anymore, but he was left in the ragged aftermath. A sort of exhaustion. A touch of embarrassment, and Henry Cheng didn’t really get embarrassed even though he knew he was… abundant in personality. He was what he was, and he lived what he was loudly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But how was he supposed to have the words to say that? Henry never had the right words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Blue shifted to better look him in the eyes. “I know you have a whole philosophy about living happily through the fear, but…” She laid her hand on his chest. “You’re allowed to let yourself feel bad. You’re allowed to take your time and be soft with yourself.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She waited a breath and then two, and didn’t take his silence as rejection. She knew him, now, too well for that. Usually he said a lot of things spiraling all around his point. Sometimes he said nothing at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can stop talking about it now if you want. But I’m here if you need someone to listen, or… anything else.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Henry wrapped his hand around where Blue’s laid over his heart. She knew what he was trying to say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>#</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Gansey returned with a cardboard drink tray and three bags of fast food, Henry and Blue were cuddled on the bed, Blue’s head on his shoulder and arm across his middle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, this looks comfy,” Gansey commented. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Henry didn’t shift even an inch. “Blue’s being my anxiety blanket.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah.” Gansey set the drinks and food on the end table between the two beds and sat down on the opposing mattress. He started to sort through the things. Henry watched. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that two extra orders of curly fries that I detect.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And milkshakes,” Gansey said. “It seemed that kind of day.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Strawberry?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What a wonder it was to be known. For people to know what to give what you were too busy trying to seem strong and happy to ask. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Blue had to sit up to eat, but she was still warm plastered next to him, with one leg kicked over one of his. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know there’s still plenty of room over here,” Henry said, of the minute sliver of the bed left on his right side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It will make eating a mess,” Gansey said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The benefits outway the downsides,” Henry replied. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With no other complaint or comment, Gansey squeezed himself into the spot. Henry felt more settled than he had all day, with a pile of junk food and pillared between the two people he had chosen to embark on this journey with.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What a wonder it was to be afraid to ask for help, and ask anyway. What a wonder to be heard. </span>
</p>
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